13 Immutable Laws for Living
II
Temper thine aggression
Most of us become aggressive as a defense mechanism. i.e.: I'm not being aggressive, I'm just reacting to others who are overly aggressive and I'll be pushed down, cut off, never be able to get out, etc., because everybody else is so aggressive. Besides, why are they so slow, anyway? Don't they know the speed limit is actually the minimum? Then it catches on and everybody’s wound up now. Don’t they know we’re in a hurry? All the time. Even when there’s no reason for it. We’re in a hurry! I'm sorry people but I have to push you out of my way because I’m in a hurry. Interesting. Especially when you see people being aggressive all the time because they've practiced their defense mechanism so long its become habitual, and of course, eventually endemic. Culturally endemic. So then you can't tell the naturally aggressive from the defensively aggressive because we're too busy pushing on each other. So how do we stop it? Or you can ask, why should we stop it? We're a competitive society, often living in large communities where there's an ongoing race for space.
I’ve worked with enough planners to know urban planners want people to live in densely populated areas. It’s easier to plan for. Eliminate cars. Put in transit. Consolidate services. Build up, not out. But I digress. Today it seems there are too many cars, not enough roads, too many people, not enough space, housing, good fresh produce, etc. My planner friends say, "see?" I might have to shove you out of the way to get that last fresh ripe tomato, who knows? It's the natural order of things in cities. Because in rural communities life is slower, because it can be slower and naturally aggressive people can run amok and not bump into anybody else, causing no defensive aggression. So we just adjust to our current situation and... wait a minute. When I see an open road at night and there's only three cars on the road and they're each six inches off each other's bumper and each driver is grinding on a bite block and sitting up in the beg position behind the steering wheel giving it the grip of death with eyes fixed and staring and have a water bottle ready to take another Valium, I question whether that's healthy. Yes, and by the 21st century, they’re talking on the phone as well. It seems being distracted by the phone relieves the liability of cutting somebody off. I can’t be held responsible for boorish behavior. Can’t you see I’m distracted?
I got stranded at the old Stapleton airport in Denver over Thanksgiving week flying from Salt Lake City to Omaha because of a snow and ice storm in November, 1979. All flights were canceled. Literally thousands of people were given chits for a cab ride, a meal and a hotel room. There were not enough cabs. People flooded out of the doors of the airport to que up for a cab. After the first few minutes it was obvious only the most aggressive were going to get a cab ride. They were willing to push their way through and quickly jump into the cabs pulling up. They also managed to shove a bit to get an advantage. Lines formed but there was no organization and the crowd grew in the cab loading area and it got way too dense. Older people tried to move up to get closer and got pushed over. I saw an older couple go down and watched as people walked either onto or over them to get to a cab. Their bodies made good roadways to the waiting cabs. If you hesitated to help somebody, you wouldn’t get a ride that cycle. I waited a long time for a cab. By the time I got to a hotel, there was no more food. I did get a room and got up at the crack of dawn to go back to the airport to stand by. I rented a car and got turned around by a Colorado state trooper in the white out. I finally flew down to Wichita, over to Lincoln and drove a rental from Lincoln to Omaha. I got home before the weekend was over but it was close. I was persistent but I hope not overly aggressive. BTW the aggressive people who pushed and shoved to get a cab first just waited longer at the hotel, rather than waiting longer at the airport. For this privilege some walked onto and over the bodies of fragile old people. Their reward was minimal at best. Mainly they didn’t have to watch other people go ahead of them while they ground their teeth. It was a stressful situation but a decent response was to develop a sense of community with those other travelers. Talk, sing, complain, whatever but patience was the watchword not aggression. If you disagree with this and would have walked over anybody to be first, you can stop reading now and prepare for your first stroke or heart attack by making sure your health insurance is paid up. Otherwise, let's posit this. It's healthier and easier on the nervous system for everyone to relax and you can't relax while you in the throws of raw aggression. You'll be late to work? Late to the opera? Late to Jimmy's recital? And there's this guy in front of you who only wants to go five miles per hour over the speed limit and the flow here is ten to fifteen over the limit? After a meal one day a friend began to bleed from his lungs. He was drowning in his own blood. I put him the back seat and began driving like a maniac toward a local hospital. Other cars began to compete with me to see if they could go faster. I’m serious. Something's wrong here.
There is one other coefficient of this intemperate aggression. It is anonymity. If you know someone and need to continue to have relations with them, you don’t normally shove them down and walk over them. Family, friends, acquaintances, like most people, frown on jerks. But behind the wheel, in an airport, on an airplane, in a crowd, most people don’t know you. So you’re relieved of the responsibility of being a decent human being. You grow fangs and extra facial hair. The moon becomes full. Right?
No. It’s not right. It’s time to treat your fellow man with respect, whether you know them or not. Grow up and accept the responsibility for your actions in any circumstance. Temper your aggression for aggression’s sake. Think about it. Apply some reason here. You should know it's unhealthy, intemperate, rude, impolite, unwelcomed and dangerous, because it is. So work at ratcheting it down for your own sake and the sake of others. You can open up your following distance a little where only one out of every ten cars can cut in front of you. You can let somebody out now and again. You can leave a couple of minutes earlier and enjoy your ride better. You can slow down with your shopping cart a little and read a magazine while you wait in line. If you don’t get your carry-on into the overhead space first, maybe the flight attendant will find a place for you. Smile about it. It’s no biggie. Maybe you won't have to use your bite block nearly as often and maybe sleep a little better at night if you can practice relaxation and temper the aggression. Exercise daily to relieve the tension. Take power naps to relax. Do deep breathing exercises. Eat less red meat. Talk less. Listen more. Smile whenever you can. Laugh whenever possible. It will become increasingly obvious that aggressive driving only gains a matter of a minute or two in a daily commute. Going with the flow will get you there in plenty of time. it’s a disease, not a strategy. Recognize it. It's only a thought. Up to you, like everything else. But the important thing is recognition. Be aware of it and try to adjust. You'll live a little longer and enjoy it a little more, I can guarantee that. And remember, everything is incremental. A little temperament adjustment is all it requires once you recognize that raw aggression isn’t a positive character trait. Be the person you can admire.
II
Temper thine aggression
Most of us become aggressive as a defense mechanism. i.e.: I'm not being aggressive, I'm just reacting to others who are overly aggressive and I'll be pushed down, cut off, never be able to get out, etc., because everybody else is so aggressive. Besides, why are they so slow, anyway? Don't they know the speed limit is actually the minimum? Then it catches on and everybody’s wound up now. Don’t they know we’re in a hurry? All the time. Even when there’s no reason for it. We’re in a hurry! I'm sorry people but I have to push you out of my way because I’m in a hurry. Interesting. Especially when you see people being aggressive all the time because they've practiced their defense mechanism so long its become habitual, and of course, eventually endemic. Culturally endemic. So then you can't tell the naturally aggressive from the defensively aggressive because we're too busy pushing on each other. So how do we stop it? Or you can ask, why should we stop it? We're a competitive society, often living in large communities where there's an ongoing race for space.
I’ve worked with enough planners to know urban planners want people to live in densely populated areas. It’s easier to plan for. Eliminate cars. Put in transit. Consolidate services. Build up, not out. But I digress. Today it seems there are too many cars, not enough roads, too many people, not enough space, housing, good fresh produce, etc. My planner friends say, "see?" I might have to shove you out of the way to get that last fresh ripe tomato, who knows? It's the natural order of things in cities. Because in rural communities life is slower, because it can be slower and naturally aggressive people can run amok and not bump into anybody else, causing no defensive aggression. So we just adjust to our current situation and... wait a minute. When I see an open road at night and there's only three cars on the road and they're each six inches off each other's bumper and each driver is grinding on a bite block and sitting up in the beg position behind the steering wheel giving it the grip of death with eyes fixed and staring and have a water bottle ready to take another Valium, I question whether that's healthy. Yes, and by the 21st century, they’re talking on the phone as well. It seems being distracted by the phone relieves the liability of cutting somebody off. I can’t be held responsible for boorish behavior. Can’t you see I’m distracted?
I got stranded at the old Stapleton airport in Denver over Thanksgiving week flying from Salt Lake City to Omaha because of a snow and ice storm in November, 1979. All flights were canceled. Literally thousands of people were given chits for a cab ride, a meal and a hotel room. There were not enough cabs. People flooded out of the doors of the airport to que up for a cab. After the first few minutes it was obvious only the most aggressive were going to get a cab ride. They were willing to push their way through and quickly jump into the cabs pulling up. They also managed to shove a bit to get an advantage. Lines formed but there was no organization and the crowd grew in the cab loading area and it got way too dense. Older people tried to move up to get closer and got pushed over. I saw an older couple go down and watched as people walked either onto or over them to get to a cab. Their bodies made good roadways to the waiting cabs. If you hesitated to help somebody, you wouldn’t get a ride that cycle. I waited a long time for a cab. By the time I got to a hotel, there was no more food. I did get a room and got up at the crack of dawn to go back to the airport to stand by. I rented a car and got turned around by a Colorado state trooper in the white out. I finally flew down to Wichita, over to Lincoln and drove a rental from Lincoln to Omaha. I got home before the weekend was over but it was close. I was persistent but I hope not overly aggressive. BTW the aggressive people who pushed and shoved to get a cab first just waited longer at the hotel, rather than waiting longer at the airport. For this privilege some walked onto and over the bodies of fragile old people. Their reward was minimal at best. Mainly they didn’t have to watch other people go ahead of them while they ground their teeth. It was a stressful situation but a decent response was to develop a sense of community with those other travelers. Talk, sing, complain, whatever but patience was the watchword not aggression. If you disagree with this and would have walked over anybody to be first, you can stop reading now and prepare for your first stroke or heart attack by making sure your health insurance is paid up. Otherwise, let's posit this. It's healthier and easier on the nervous system for everyone to relax and you can't relax while you in the throws of raw aggression. You'll be late to work? Late to the opera? Late to Jimmy's recital? And there's this guy in front of you who only wants to go five miles per hour over the speed limit and the flow here is ten to fifteen over the limit? After a meal one day a friend began to bleed from his lungs. He was drowning in his own blood. I put him the back seat and began driving like a maniac toward a local hospital. Other cars began to compete with me to see if they could go faster. I’m serious. Something's wrong here.
There is one other coefficient of this intemperate aggression. It is anonymity. If you know someone and need to continue to have relations with them, you don’t normally shove them down and walk over them. Family, friends, acquaintances, like most people, frown on jerks. But behind the wheel, in an airport, on an airplane, in a crowd, most people don’t know you. So you’re relieved of the responsibility of being a decent human being. You grow fangs and extra facial hair. The moon becomes full. Right?
No. It’s not right. It’s time to treat your fellow man with respect, whether you know them or not. Grow up and accept the responsibility for your actions in any circumstance. Temper your aggression for aggression’s sake. Think about it. Apply some reason here. You should know it's unhealthy, intemperate, rude, impolite, unwelcomed and dangerous, because it is. So work at ratcheting it down for your own sake and the sake of others. You can open up your following distance a little where only one out of every ten cars can cut in front of you. You can let somebody out now and again. You can leave a couple of minutes earlier and enjoy your ride better. You can slow down with your shopping cart a little and read a magazine while you wait in line. If you don’t get your carry-on into the overhead space first, maybe the flight attendant will find a place for you. Smile about it. It’s no biggie. Maybe you won't have to use your bite block nearly as often and maybe sleep a little better at night if you can practice relaxation and temper the aggression. Exercise daily to relieve the tension. Take power naps to relax. Do deep breathing exercises. Eat less red meat. Talk less. Listen more. Smile whenever you can. Laugh whenever possible. It will become increasingly obvious that aggressive driving only gains a matter of a minute or two in a daily commute. Going with the flow will get you there in plenty of time. it’s a disease, not a strategy. Recognize it. It's only a thought. Up to you, like everything else. But the important thing is recognition. Be aware of it and try to adjust. You'll live a little longer and enjoy it a little more, I can guarantee that. And remember, everything is incremental. A little temperament adjustment is all it requires once you recognize that raw aggression isn’t a positive character trait. Be the person you can admire.
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