Be the person you can admire

13 Immutable Laws for Living

II

Temper thine aggression

Most of us become aggressive as a defense mechanism. i.e.: I'm not being aggressive, I'm just reacting to others who are overly aggressive and I'll be pushed down, cut off, never be able to get out, etc., because everybody else is so aggressive. Besides, why are they so slow, anyway? Don't they know the speed limit is actually the minimum? Then it catches on and everybody’s wound up now. Don’t they know we’re in a hurry? All the time. Even when there’s no reason for it. We’re in a hurry! I'm sorry people but I have to push you out of my way because I’m in a hurry. Interesting. Especially when you see people being aggressive all the time because they've practiced their defense mechanism so long its become habitual, and of course, eventually endemic. Culturally endemic. So then you can't tell the naturally aggressive from the defensively aggressive because we're too busy pushing on each other. So how do we stop it? Or you can ask, why should we stop it? We're a competitive society, often living in large communities where there's an ongoing race for space.

I’ve worked with enough planners to know urban planners want people to live in densely populated areas. It’s easier to plan for. Eliminate cars. Put in transit. Consolidate services. Build up, not out. But I digress. Today it seems there are too many cars, not enough roads, too many people, not enough space, housing, good fresh produce, etc. My planner friends say, "see?" I might have to shove you out of the way to get that last fresh ripe tomato, who knows? It's the natural order of things in cities. Because in rural communities life is slower, because it can be slower and naturally aggressive people can run amok and not bump into anybody else, causing no defensive aggression. So we just adjust to our current situation and... wait a minute. When I see an open road at night and there's only three cars on the road and they're each six inches off each other's bumper and each driver is grinding on a bite block and sitting up in the beg position behind the steering wheel giving it the grip of death with eyes fixed and staring and have a water bottle ready to take another Valium, I question whether that's healthy. Yes, and by the 21st century, they’re talking on the phone as well. It seems being distracted by the phone relieves the liability of cutting somebody off. I can’t be held responsible for boorish behavior. Can’t you see I’m distracted?

I got stranded at the old Stapleton airport in Denver over Thanksgiving week flying from Salt Lake City to Omaha because of a snow and ice storm in November, 1979. All flights were canceled. Literally thousands of people were given chits for a cab ride, a meal and a hotel room. There were not enough cabs. People flooded out of the doors of the airport to que up for a cab. After the first few minutes it was obvious only the most aggressive were going to get a cab ride. They were willing to push their way through and quickly jump into the cabs pulling up. They also managed to shove a bit to get an advantage. Lines formed but there was no organization and the crowd grew in the cab loading area and it got way too dense. Older people tried to move up to get closer and got pushed over. I saw an older couple go down and watched as people walked either onto or over them to get to a cab. Their bodies made good roadways to the waiting cabs. If you hesitated to help somebody, you wouldn’t get a ride that cycle. I waited a long time for a cab. By the time I got to a hotel, there was no more food. I did get a room and got up at the crack of dawn to go back to the airport to stand by. I rented a car and got turned around by a Colorado state trooper in the white out. I finally flew down to Wichita, over to Lincoln and drove a rental from Lincoln to Omaha. I got home before the weekend was over but it was close. I was persistent but I hope not overly aggressive. BTW the aggressive people who pushed and shoved to get a cab first just waited longer at the hotel, rather than waiting longer at the airport. For this privilege some walked onto and over the bodies of fragile old people. Their reward was minimal at best. Mainly they didn’t have to watch other people go ahead of them while they ground their teeth. It was a stressful situation but a decent response was to develop a sense of community with those other travelers. Talk, sing, complain, whatever but patience was the watchword not aggression. If you disagree with this and would have walked over anybody to be first, you can stop reading now and prepare for your first stroke or heart attack by making sure your health insurance is paid up. Otherwise, let's posit this. It's healthier and easier on the nervous system for everyone to relax and you can't relax while you in the throws of raw aggression. You'll be late to work? Late to the opera? Late to Jimmy's recital? And there's this guy in front of you who only wants to go five miles per hour over the speed limit and the flow here is ten to fifteen over the limit? After a meal one day a friend began to bleed from his lungs. He was drowning in his own blood. I put him the back seat and began driving like a maniac toward a local hospital. Other cars began to compete with me to see if they could go faster. I’m serious. Something's wrong here.

There is one other coefficient of this intemperate aggression. It is anonymity. If you know someone and need to continue to have relations with them, you don’t normally shove them down and walk over them. Family, friends, acquaintances, like most people, frown on jerks. But behind the wheel, in an airport, on an airplane, in a crowd, most people don’t know you. So you’re relieved of the responsibility of being a decent human being. You grow fangs and extra facial hair. The moon becomes full. Right?

No. It’s not right. It’s time to treat your fellow man with respect, whether you know them or not. Grow up and accept the responsibility for your actions in any circumstance. Temper your aggression for aggression’s sake. Think about it. Apply some reason here. You should know it's unhealthy, intemperate, rude, impolite, unwelcomed and dangerous, because it is. So work at ratcheting it down for your own sake and the sake of others. You can open up your following distance a little where only one out of every ten cars can cut in front of you. You can let somebody out now and again. You can leave a couple of minutes earlier and enjoy your ride better. You can slow down with your shopping cart a little and read a magazine while you wait in line. If you don’t get your carry-on into the overhead space first, maybe the flight attendant will find a place for you. Smile about it. It’s no biggie. Maybe you won't have to use your bite block nearly as often and maybe sleep a little better at night if you can practice relaxation and temper the aggression. Exercise daily to relieve the tension. Take power naps to relax. Do deep breathing exercises. Eat less red meat. Talk less. Listen more. Smile whenever you can. Laugh whenever possible. It will become increasingly obvious that aggressive driving only gains a matter of a minute or two in a daily commute. Going with the flow will get you there in plenty of time. it’s a disease, not a strategy. Recognize it. It's only a thought. Up to you, like everything else. But the important thing is recognition. Be aware of it and try to adjust. You'll live a little longer and enjoy it a little more, I can guarantee that. And remember, everything is incremental. A little temperament adjustment is all it requires once you recognize that raw aggression isn’t a positive character trait. Be the person you can admire.

The Better Student's Primer with minor reference to Bill Murray

In Most Ways, I am You

    The day is cobalt blue, bright and clear. The main lawn of a spacious campus is green with lush grass. Hundreds of students in cap and gown are aligned in precise rows of chairs across the lawn, their eyes intently focused on one of their own. She stands on the podium fingering her phi beta kappa key having paused a moment to reflect. Momentarily she continues to speak with poise and dignity about their future, as she sees it. The future of the class in which she excelled to number one. Her class embodies both great and general academic success. Hundreds of different courses of study and degrees are represented in their number. On the periphery of the seated graduates are their families, friends and visitors. In that audience are a group of young people, who aren't actively texting, that ponder their future. Some wonder how this particular honors graduate managed it. She must really be smart, right? But then, you know, what's his name, that guy Kenny, he's really smart but he's dropping out of school. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason why some people make it and others fail. It's like some people are lucky and others are just brainiacs. It's insane. You sure can't guarantee what happens to people, can you? So much of it is random. Failing at school is just a fact of life for some unlucky ones. You know even some smart ones, sometimes. That's crazy, isn't it. Others just fall into gold mines they don't deserve. No rhyme or reason and well, you just go with the flow and wait for it all to be over. What else can you do? Then they join the rest of the crowd by going back to texting with friends about what to do later. So is that right? Its random. Some are lucky and others not so much. Some born with gifts and others doomed before they start.
    In the journey of our lifetimes we inevitably will taste both success and failure. That's true of everyone. Even the valedictorians. Believe it. Everyone struggles at something. There is another constant. To grow we must learn. To learn is to struggle. The term learn implies a journey. A journey from not knowing to knowing. If you don't know something and you must learn it anew, it will require work. The work of learning. Work requires tools. Methods. Blueprints. Instructions. Pathways. Avenues of least resistance.  Struggling students, or students who want to be better students can have a better chance of success if they follow methods and pathways just as water follows least resistant paths. It is a natural law. In the movie Stripes Bill Murray asks his mates with rhythm seated around their group to help those who didn't have much. And so it is. Those who have struggled in the past and found better ways of making learning work, draw up blueprints to help others.
    What follows below is an outline of methods, tools, parables and blueprints. You can put together a complex piece of machinery without instructions or blueprints but it's a hell of lot harder and there's much less chance of success. These methods are aimed at college level students but of course can be applied to secondary school and even middle school. In fact, the earlier, the better. Why struggle for years if you don't have to. It was written by a former student who failed, was removed from the rolls, then returned to the same school with the same classes and became a 4.0 student. The only change was in the way the task was approached. The IQ was the same. The aptitude, thinking processes and logic were all unchanged. It was the application of methods and priorities that made the difference. Knowing up front that learning is a struggle that will require time and effort and won't come easy needs to be understood. But what's crazy is once the methods and blueprints and priorities are applied, it gets a lot easier, over a period of time. Not right away but consistently better the better you are at applying it. The truth is almost anybody can profit from this path, whether they are a student or not. It works in business too.
    If you are reading this and you know a student who wants to improve, who needs to improve, let me say this at the outset. You can't do it for them. You can read this and validate it but it's the student themselves who will have to read this, probably at least twice. It isn't quick or easy but it will work. If you can provide motivation to the student, do that. If you are the student, this primer will give you the tools to be a better student. In fact you can be one of the best. Read this. Then read it again. Then get a pencil and a piece of paper and begin to write out your plan for success. Begin by:
Showing Up
    "The world is run by people who show up." Benjamin Franklin is often credited with the that cogent quote. It is also true by observation. How can you participate if you aren't there?  Never skip a class. Never. Never.
Writing it Down
    Once there, watch how leaders take notes. 1% remember everything intrinsically. Everybody else has to write it down. So let's add one more theme. The world is also run by people who write things down or have a perfect memory. You likely don't have a perfect memory. Few do. So get a book with a blank calendar:
 
AT-A-GLANCE QuickNotes Recycled Weekly/Monthly Appointment Book, 8 x 10 Inches (76-01-0


or similar and write down all your scheduled classes and or appointments. All of them. Even the repeating ones from week to week. Write down every day's events, in advance. This isn't hard. It's just repetitive. It allows you to succeed at something right away and focus on the important. You will find exceptions and denote them as they occur. Do it assiduously. Pay attention. Write them all down. Be prepared to change them, as you will be updating constantly. It will help you show up. Believe it. It will help you remember to show up. The format is less important than the habit. Write down what you've committed to doing. Write down your classes and appointments. Then we'll schedule time to study for each class. Every morning, before you begin your day, review your calendar, make sure it is accurate and plan your day by writing down what you need to accomplish in the next book I'm going to recommend. Have an action plan in mind before you begin your day. Prioritize your time, making sure you accomplish the most important things first. At the end of your day review what you've done and begin planning for tomorrow. Planning and prioritizing are important. Write down what you need to do for each class or appointment. Make a list. In something like this:
 
Mead Cambridge Action Planner Pad (06368)

    Let's go over why. Studies show adults/young people retain information better when they write that information down. Plain and simple. Having a written record of your schedule also leads to independence. You make a commitment, both to yourself and to others, to show up. You keep a record of that commitment. You exhibit responsibility. It is a big step. You are now prepared to follow through without asking somebody else when and where you're supposed to be at a given time. In fact, others may begin to ask you when and where because they know you reliably write it down. It shows independence. it shows commitment. It shows competency. Be consistent. Write it all down, every time. Every time you remember a task, write it down in your book. Add a place to check it off when it's done.  This does two things.  It documents what you need to do, which by itself is quite powerful but it also allows you to check off what you've accomplished. That allows you to refer to it later to see how much you've managed to accomplish. It also serves as a record of your accomplishments to reinforce your competency to yourself and if necessary, your supervisor, teacher, mentor, parent, et al. Be consistent where you keep your book of appointments and things to do. Make sure it is with you when you arrive. Always have a writing implement with you and with your book and calendar. Without fail. A backpack is fine to keep it all in but check on its location each morning and have it with you consistently and put it in the same place all the time. Be responsible for keeping track of your valued possessions. It can and will get to be habitual and you will feel naked without it. Good habits and planning are the foundation of success. Once you consistently show up, schedule yourself for future events, write down your assignments and tasks, you are ready for the next step.
Making Notes
    Let's review. Adults retain information better if they write it down. In grammar school students repeatedly write things over and over. It helps them retain it. That doesn't change. When you are between scheduling classes, appointments, time to study and making a list of items for goals, i.e., things to do, make notes on what's going on in each class, each day. Write down as much as you can between listening intently. Especially information you need to retain. This isn't news to most people, I realize, but it is essential. Practice listening and writing. You can get good at it with practice.
Setting Aside
    Schedule time to study for each course taken. Always show up both at times for class and times to study for class and be on time for both. Schedule both. It is equally important to set aside time to study as it is to attend class. So there's your planning. Your structure. Always show up. Always write down your schedule. Write down your assignments and things to accomplish. Make notes during class for reference and to help you retain the information. Schedule time to study. Set aside a time and a place. The place needs to be quiet and distraction free. Libraries work fine. No cell phones, video, music, TV, computer (unless the studies require it). Work toward this goal. Follow through. A time. A proper place. Add it to your schedule.
Completing Assignments on Time
    Read assigned texts. Complete all assignments. That's what you're setting aside time to do. Participate in class. Begin early. Keep up. At least make a valid effort every day to set aside the time necessary to work on your school work and do it.
Preparing your mind and body
    What's next? Once you've prepared yourself by scheduling and writing down, you will follow through by paying attention in meetings and classes. You will write down important facts as they are presented. Next: getting proper rest at night so you can concentrate during the day. Which means cutting back on caffeine and sugar in the afternoon and evening. Lay off stimulants in the evening. Studying as much as possible between classes in library during the day for college students. The earlier, the better. Get your assignments done as early as you can. If you don't begin early enough, you run the risk of running out of time when it gets late. Schedule it as early as you can. It is more important to get a decent night's sleep than it is to stay up all night studying. Plan properly. You need your sleep to be alert the next day.
Committing
    Students who struggle lack the personal commitment required to learn or the proper environment in which to do it. I can't change your environment but I will address the need for commitment, whatever the environment.
"They aren't teaching me anything.  I show up (most of the time anyway) and sit there and I get nothing out of it." 
    Maybe. Maybe not.  Let's see.  You must be prepared.  You must be prepared from the first day.  You must show up, on time, with writing materials, pay attention, write down your assignments and work at doing the work until it's done.  The learning process is like most other processes, the more you put in, the more you get out.  Teachers try to maintain a learning environment and present the subject matter to students who then must apply themselves by independent study involving lots of reading, writing and memorization.  Is it easy?  No.  Is it simple? It should be but often isn't.  Once you get way behind and aren't trying very hard, will you succeed?  Probably not.  Do students who apply themselves diligently and give it their best shot profit the most?  Yes.  Do students who have no faith in the process, who have no respect for themselves or their teachers and refuse to participate profit at all?  No, they don’t.
    It is true that early on in any year or semester you will be very busy.  Quite often time for other things will be scarce to non-existent.  If you don't have the motivation to take the time to do the work, you won't succeed.
    If you give up something else (fun?, time killer, brainless entertainment, etc.) to learn something new or challenging, will it be worth it?  I think people who have succeeded at improving themselves would be hard pressed to second guess giving up TV or video games for their lifetime achievements.  Is it easy?  Not particularly.  Fun?  Not at first.  Will it become rewarding?  Absolutely.
    Here's the thing.  There are very, very few people who don't have the native intelligence necessary to succeed at school.  What they lack is fundamental tools for success.
Expecting setbacks
    You'll get sick and miss. There will be days you won't succeed at your goals because of your flaws. We all have them. Nobody is a One-Hundred-Percent do everything all the time. Nobody. There will be days you won't succeed at your goals through no fault of your own. Life isn't fair. Even when you try your hardest you won't succeed all the time.
    But that's okay. In the long run having a commitment and following through and consistently showing up and doing the assignments and studying will pay off. That's guaranteed. It's a fact.
Having Faith
    Have faith in yourself. You will get negative input from others, all the time. This is the noise you will hear, mainly from people who lack any faith, in anything.
    •    Why show up?
    •     I can't do it.
    •     You can't do it.
    •     Nobody can
    •     Nobody should have to
    •     This is just wrong.
    •     What do the expect from us?
    •     This is f*cked up.
And:
    •    I don't have the time.
    •     Even if I do, they won't help me, nothing helps me.
    •     Nothing seems to work for me, I can't get it.
    •     Besides, I don't want to get it.
    •     Let's get wasted instead.
    People want to forgive (excuse) themselves for not growing. We fear change. Learning is sometimes difficult. It's natural to want to round off the edges. If you don't care or don't try, then you can't be blamed for not growing or not learning. It's understandable. But don't fall into the trap of thinking all that noise is true. The only way to grow and to learn is to persevere. There are an extreme minority of people who have true genius who remember everything and don't need to write things down or work hard. Bill Gates remembers everything and many subjects didn't interest him. He didn't finish his curriculum. He left school. He still ended being driven and working hard even though he didn't have to. To many people that isn't fair. To learn and retain without a lot of grunt work. But 99% of everybody else has to train their mind to remember. Don't think everybody else gets it and you don't because they're just smarter than you are. It's not true. You must believe in yourself and in your own ability. You must have faith.
    You must have faith in yourself and you must believe you can succeed, because ultimately you can, but only if you believe it yourself.  You have to understand that you won't be wrong, you can't be wrong if you are willing to do what it takes to learn.  Understanding what it's going to take is often the problem.  Here's a short parable to serve as a metaphor for moving from being average or below average to highly competent. It will allow us to take a break from all this learning stuff for a paragraph and get us out and about for some air.
A Parable
    Most adults and young people who are not runners can run a six minute mile.  Few do.  What most lack is the training required.  But they need something else first.  They need to want it.  You can tell who will do it.  It's easy.  Let's line up a group of non-runners and ask them to run a six minute mile.  The first time anybody who doesn't run tries to run a mile in six minutes, they can't run a single city block fast enough to run even a twelve minute mile.  They can't run a mile at all much less a timed mile.  So they get out of breath, pause and start walking because they're not prepared to run that far.  Most will finish the mile, the rest will laugh and shake their heads and quit.  "Runnings not for me."  So at first we see what's initially required: Motivation.  Without motivation, no one does anything that takes time and effort.  But we'll go on.  We'll challenge those who finished to show up again the next day and time them again.  Within a week or so a handful will drop out.  "I don't have time for this."  The following week a group will form.  Some will come for the outing, some for the companionship, some because they don't have anything better to do, some because they want to be a runner.  But it takes months to run a mile in six minutes for most people.  It takes more than motivation at this point, it takes determination.  Most people can learn to jog a mile in under ten minutes after three or four months of continued running.  Some will pick it up and run under nine after a while and with effort in less than that.  But a funny thing happens when you try to run under seven.  It gets harder.  Taking off even a second during daily training becomes a challenge.  Your lungs need to increase oxygen capacity greater than just casual jogging, your circulatory system needs to modify itself.  Jogging alone won't get it done.  It's going to take pain and oxygen debt.  You can't jog a six minute mile.  You're running ninety second splits.  Ten miles an hour.  That's a decent bicycle pace.  As you push yourself faster and faster to approach the necessary speed, your brain cries out, "Stop!" but you must not stop.  You must run even harder.  You must visualize immediate disaster for a close loved one to find the kind of motivation you'll need to run harder than you thought you could or that can overcome your own brain's cries for cessation.  How can you tell the one person that not only can do it but more importantly will do it?  It's easy.  See the one who won't quit.  See the one who runs through all the pain.  See the one who not only knows it can be done but who is also ready to apply themselves to the discipline required to actually do it.  Over and over again.  Even if it takes more time.  Even if it means eating less.  Even if it means pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.  It takes discipline.
    That's what separates people.  Those who can but don't and those who can't but do.  Can't but do?  That's because they couldn't, remember?  To start out they couldn't run a block.  They couldn't but they had something going for them that allowed them to do it anyway.  Wasn't easy.  Wasn't quick.  Why then do only a few continue beyond that threshold?  What do they have that the others don't?  Now remember, we're not just talking about coming back every day and trying again.  Many people repeat behavior.  Few push themselves beyond what they understand as their own capability.  How can we define the qualities that allow people who can't do something eventually to do it anyway.
    First was motivation.  Second was determination.  Third was discipline.  Continued application of personal discipline develops an internal bond of trust.  Soon, after you find the motivation, grind it out through the determination and eventually develop and understand the discipline you must apply, you develop the quality that will stay with you and empower you as long as you live.  That quality, which precedes all difficult human struggle is the magic word.  That magic word is faith.  The belief in something unseen.  In a quality not known but understood.  A belief beyond casual understanding that what doesn't exist now will exist some day.  How do you detect and or exemplify faith?  The casual observer would say that people who have faith exhibit confidence but some fools exhibit confidence too, so it's not just confidence, it's not braggadocio.  We can define it as an understanding of historical record applied to the future.  Its true that you can't always predict the future based on the past.  And not everyone who has faith succeeds.  But what's most important is few succeed beyond reasonable expectation without it.
    If you are reading this, it is my hope that you are striving to better yourself.  You have taken a positive step.  You'll read beyond your threshold of anticipation of instant reward.  You want to expand your knowledge base.  Because knowledge is powerful.  And it's transferable.  If you listen and you study and you apply yourself, you can learn.  All humans learn from the time they're born.  But just because everyone is capable of learning doesn't mean that they respect their potential or they even begin to understand why they learn.  But it's there.  No different than the potential to run a six minute mile.  You can do it.  I just told you the truth about it in the form of a parable.  I may have convinced you that if you wanted to, you could.  It would be painful.  It would be time consuming.  It would challenge you and you would be asked to make sacrifices and want to quit.  But if you wanted it badly enough, it would be yours.  But the group that began that first day trying to run a block and couldn't, didn't hear my parable.  They won't read beyond a first paragraph either if there's no instant reward.  If I ask many of them if they can run a mile in six minutes, they'll just laugh.  "Not me, brother."  And they'll be right.  They have no chance of doing it without faith in themselves.
Here are the keys to success:
Be consistently organized
    •    Write down what you need to learn and set specific goals
    •    Take notes in class, write down what you'll need to retain to help you retain it
    •    Schedule time as early as you can during the day to work - your mind works best when it's rested
    •    Be prepared to eliminate non-essentials from your schedule replacing them with things that profit you most (learning new things)
    •    Prepare to spend your day both attending class and in a cubicle in the library going over your notes and doing lessons - you must find a quiet place to study - do it
    •    There is a strong connection between understanding your own needs in regard to knowledge absorption and doing it - conceive first - execute second
    •    Even slow people learn, they just learn more slowly but they often retain it longer
    •    Speed isn't the issue.  Learning is.
Pay attention
    •    Show interest
    •    Keep up and if you struggle to keep up double your study time and take more notes
    •    Not everything you hear or read will make sense immediately, that's normal, that's why it's "learning"
    •    If you already knew it, or it was intuitive to you, you wouldn't be learning anything
    •    Teachers don't "teach" they present the subject matter to you and define what you need to read and understand
    •    Write it down, say it aloud, ask questions and do research outside of class
    •    The "learning" part is up to you
        This is a very important point.  Say it aloud:  “The learning is up to me.”
    •    If you struggle over and over, ask for time to meet with your instructor
    •    Always emulate success - isolate winners in your class and pick their brain
    •    One day somebody else will be picking yours because you can and will succeed
    •    Listen twice then ask a question if you don't understand - be persistent - you may be helping your classmates here - they may not get it either but they lack the confidence to speak up
    •    Make a scene if you don't get it and if they must move on, ask for a tutor
    •    If you always show interest and stay positive - people will be willing to help you
    •    Teachers do respect effort - Remain respectful in your requests - Put in the work and they will help you especially if there is mutual respect - Remember that - mutual respect
Write down what you don't understand and research it
    •    Just don't let it go, plug at it
    •    The things that you don't understand, when finally understood, constitute learning
    •    The things that are the hardest for you to learn provide the greatest growth for you as a person when you break through - embrace the difficult things
Persevere
"To persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement."
    •    Don't quit until you have it - this above all else is the key to learning
    •    People validate what they know and struggle to learn what they don't - expect to struggle
    •    Significant learning like any challenge must be met with enthusiasm and determination
    •    Use every resource at your disposal
    •    Ask other successful students how they are doing it and listen to the answer
    •    Be prepared to learn that they work harder than you do, for a longer period of time (they're in better shape, remember the six minute mile)
Try hard to do your best but be understanding when you don't
    •    Always self motivate, don't wait for others to push you, push yourself.
    •    Forgive yourself and your mentors for your (and their) lack of perfection.
    •    If you set high standards, others often won't meet them, that's what high standards mean, they're hard to achieve.
    •    You will let yourself down, be prepared to come back the next day re-determined.
    •    If you fail again, seek help from leaders you can identify, whomsoever they may be.
    •    Don't be surprised if not everybody wants to help you - they probably just don't "get it."
    •    If others tell you you can't, understand just how very wrong they are and find somebody else to ask.
Never blame others for your lack of success but always help others to succeed
    •    Learn it, win it, not because of others but often in spite of others.
    •    Other people are their own cheerleaders, so you must also be your own.
    •    Arrive early, if at all possible.
    •    Be the "firstest with the mostest." - see: Nathan Bedford Forrest
    •    Once you understand a concept, modestly work with others to help them.
    •    Working with others will allow you to explain what you understand and often verbalizing ideas that you have to others will         light up a bulb for you too. We often don't know what we know until we share it with others. This is important as you grow.
    •    Once you succeed, and you will if you show up, pay attention and don't quit, show leadership not only by tutoring others but leading them to success.
Fear
    They can kill you. They can eat you. They can make a pencil box from your shin bone. But they can't make you afraid. Conquer your fears. If you believe in yourself, have lived a moral, ethical, and predominately (watch those speed limits) legal life and work hard at being the best person you can be, you have nothing and no one to fear. Respect everybody. Fear nobody. Stand up for yourself. Why not run the six minute mile? Just saying.
Never Forget
    •    You are valuable.
    •    You don't need to be the smartest, you are smart enough. Believe it.
    •    You are capable enough to succeed at anything you want badly enough.
    •    You will be the person you admire for your strength and perseverance.
    •    You will help others achieve their goals whenever and wherever you can.
    •    Your faith, your commitment and your ability is unquestioned. Always stand up for yourself.
In Most Ways, You are Me
I am a Very Good Student & Leader
The journey of learning lasts a lifetime. Every journey begins with the first step. What the hell are you waiting for?

Forgiveness is more Powerful than Perfection

13 immutable laws for living

                    I

Forgiveness is more Powerful than Perfection

I hear it all the time. "They're not doing it right." My translation for this is you disagree with the way things are being done. Somehow that doesn't surprise me because few of us control anything.

Let me reinforce that.

We can't change the past.

We can't predict the future with any real certainty.

We can't slow down the present in order to hold it still to control what happens at all.

So, things don't go according to plan and plans are made based on inadequate intel. All plans. As a consequence, most results of human endeavor are flawed because most people are flawed and most of man and woman's daily toil don't always work out "just right." That shouldn't really surprise you. But here's the other thing. We're all different and we all like to have things our own way. Thus, if six people get a chance to do something, they'll likely do it six different ways. Does any of that surprise you? Can you pull back a minute and agree that different people see things differently? Then why is it "wrong" the other way? Because you know better, right?

Then here's a challenge. Change everything you can to agree with your own world view. Get educated, work your way up, find a way to get yourself placed in charge. Then make all your changes and let other people critique it for you. Then you'll find out just how flawed things can be. If that takes too long or you lack the ambition to take over, the best way to deal with "them" and "their way" is to deal with it by rationalizing it and accepting that different isn't necessarily wrong. If you can't change it, work toward accepting it. Happy people have lower expectations. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. You want to be miserable? Fine. Find fault, complain constantly, whine about "the man" and "those people" and feel superior, if not consolable. Besides being miserable adds to the tone of complaining so nicely. Don't expect sympathy though. There are alternatives.

Let the past go. Now. Start fresh. Clean your mind.

Thou shalt forgive and strive to forget.

Let it go. Begin with your parents, who, trust me, are flawed. Your siblings got more time, attention, money, love, trust, education, warmth, whatever.

If you trust others, and you should because trust is essential to forgiveness, then you come to realize that we are all struggling to please and struggling to succeed. We often don't "win" (whatever that means) because frailty is a human trait, and mistakes are inevitable. Science bears this out by the way. The smartest and best motivated humans can generate about a 96% error free record of achievement over time. Maybe some phenom somewhere can do 99%, who knows? But by rule that means sooner or later they're going to screw up. And that's the best of us. I don't know about you but I often find myself with the rest of us somewhere down below a constant 96%.

So begin by trusting yourself to achieve and almost always in a different way than others. But that achievement will not always be at everything, every day, either to your own or to other people's standards of perfection. Begin to accept missing the target now and again. You may not be a ninety-six per-center, you can work on that but allow for errors, because we know they're inevitable. Then start to forgive yourself. We all fret and worry over those errors in judgment, in calculation, and in disappointments we afforded ourselves or others when we screwed up. We lost money. We failed to perform to expectations. We're not welcomed there any more because of what we said. We have to find a new job, a new car, a new house, a new spouse, a new life, whatever. So what's the first thing you do to make today the best day it can be? Forgive. Thou shalt forgive. Once you learn to forgive yourself, understand that others expect the same courtesy. Why not give it to them and begin to see how much easier it is to live and how much more comfortable everybody else is to be around you. Don't stop striving. Don't stop encouraging others to try. But expect screw-ups. Don't get excited when they occur because they're going to occur.

You're afraid if you don't push yourself and others past the breaking point you'll lose your power?

There is more power in forgiveness than in perfection. You can quote me on that.