Imagine yourself who you want to be

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? The simple answer is, "I see myself." That self-image defines who you are, to yourself, at that moment in time. What your brain is reporting back to you though, is often informed by a set of perceptions and preconceived notions that have also been defined by others to whom you listen. You've had it drummed into your brain that you are pretty or plain, smart or slow, funny or dull and everything in between. What you believe is flavored by others' perceptions. But try looking a little closer. How do you really perceive yourself? Because you are a collection of physical attributes, defined by skin tone and quality, hair color and length, physical height, weight, musculature and sexual orientation. When you speak, it's how you sound, to yourself. You also hear what others say about you and that goes a long way toward your own definition. What your parents have said, your friends, your enemies, even casual acquaintances who made a comment about you. What you perceive is a composite of your experiences. Who you are is also defined by how you act. How you treat yourself and others. Do you listen more than you speak? Are you fast, slow, quick, dull and so on. We have a combination of inner qualities, defined by actions and outward qualities, defined by appearance.

Who we are is combination of those two qualities:

Appearance (the protoplasm your parents willed you)

Actions (the ghost in the machine)

Which of the two do you think we can refine or alter most easily? Which depends on the other for alteration?

How we perceive ourselves and how we are perceived by others. Which is most important?

Speaking of perceptions, let's think about everybody else. the images you hold of others, in your head and when you see them. You hear some people say that they see something in others that makes them take on "qualities." Qualities beyond physical attributes. The qualities defined by their actions. Observers pass along personal attributes to define people. Sometimes the observer makes positive comments. "He may look dumpy, but I've see him scale that fence back there." "She looks stuck up but I noticed she smiles at the lepers in home room." Those are positive interpretations often made by people with a positive self-image. When people are developing a personality, however, the tendency is to run others down to appear better by comparison. They aren't trying hard to accomplish anything but by running others down, they can forgive their lack of ambition. "Look at ugly over there. Oooh, she should stay home on these fugly days." "I hear she's pregnant, otherwise why would she gain so much weight?" To simplify, people are either downgraded or enhanced by others. Which do you prefer? How can we avoid the negative?

Here is a thesis statement: Your actions, fueled by faith, defines who you are.

You begin by creating a positive self image. Upgrade yourself, purposely. You write down the attributes of others that you admire and you begin, today to take on those attributes. If you begin to truly believe you are attractive, personable, likable, kind, forgiving, studious and athletic, you have taken the first step toward being that person. Some people feel you have to move to a different community to become a different person. I disagree. My thesis is this. You define who you are, not others. You embody the attributes you admire. If you aren't tall, stand tall and be proud of your stature, which isn't defined by your height, it is defined by how you hold yourself and move. If you are chubby begin to think of yourself as that person who is developing from an endomorph into a mesomorph, a day at a time. First you define who you are. then you fulfill the reality of that perception. You become that person. Your actions define you more than your appearance. Your attitude and your effort elevate your existence beyond that appearance.

Put yourself in complete control of who you are. Be a positive, heroic person. Start with being supportive of yourself. Who you are. How you look. How you act. What you do. Be comfortable with your appearance. You'll want to be well groomed and clean. That helps and shows a sense of pride. Make your behavior a reflection of who you intend to be. Apply the same positives toward others. Be supportive. Listen more. Say positive things. It is often enough just to listen to others and show empathy. It helps them form their ideas, which can't come to fruition without adequate expression. You will instantly be a better person, who is perceived positively by active listening.


Smile at others as a greeting. Say, "hi." Right away you'll define the people you want to pay attention to and be an active listener to. They will respond with a smile and or a "hi." Those who scowl at you are negative people. You may convert them to friends, in time but to begin with, respond to people who are outwardly positive. Build your friend base on people who want to be your friend. They will be glad to listen to you after you listen to them. They will tend to be empathetic. You will both grow from the experience. Heroic people try to listen to everyone. You'd be surprised how people that tend to look down on you will come around if they realize you want to try to support them. It's not brown-nosing, it's being a decent human being. It's what decent people do. They support each other. Never be afraid to be the kind, generous, helpful person. To be the hero. To do the right thing.

Gradually you find yourself doing more heroic things. Falling on a land mines? That won't come up every day, will it? But standing up for the weak is heroic. Thinking of others before yourself is heroic. Speaking the truth when a lie is easier, is heroic. You won't always have the chance but that won't stop you from pursuing the goal. What separates the dark from the light is those who try, each day to be a positive influence on themselves and others.

Faith is a constant, completely fulfilled belief in something not yet fully realized. It overcomes doubt like a tsunami. Faith precedes all determined, successful action. It makes something difficult inevitable. Persistence and preparation then flow naturally fueled by attitude and effort. Faith primes. Preparation initiates. Persistence cements.

The next time you look in the mirror, see your own hero, then be your own hero.

Pat and Diane's Fantasia Snorkel Cruise, Freeport Bahamas

 These were taken in Freeport. We were met by Pat at the cruise terminal. Our reservations said we should take a cab to Count Basie Square (Port Lucaya) but the gals at the cruise terminal wouldn't have it and called Pat and told him he had us (along with a couple dozen others) waiting for him. We got up early and got off the boat as soon as they'd let us off at around 8:15AM because we wanted to get over to Port Lucaya by 9:15AM or so but ended up waiting around for quite a while. I think they want you early because they know things don't always go according to plan. Anyway, after waiting about an hour, Pat scooped us up along with the others and put us on the large bus (a real parlor coach - you know, Greyhound size) and we rode to Port Lucaya with the rest. We had pre-paid $65 bucks each for the snorkeling cruise and paid the extra $10 (each) for the round trip bus ride at their ticket booth in Port Lucaya. We'd already ridden out and they gave us a ticket for the return trip. The buses return on the hour and half hour from Port Lucaya back to Freeport Harbor. It's during the bus rides that you get your briefing on the Bahamas by the bus drivers. It's a fun ride. I booked the snorkel cruise with Expedia early on but later found Pat and Diane's website. I would say that weather can have an effect on the snorkel adventure and if you book with them online,  you only pay when you show up, which means you won't have to cancel and ask for a refund if you can't go (my understanding).  I don't really know if it would have been cheaper, etc. to go that route. I thought they did a good job of giving us a nice outing and we saw tons of tropical fish and coral and the crew, the boat, the equipment (they provide masks and snorkels) was just fine. We didn't try the slide but after the slide on the cruise ship, it would have been pale. My stomach got pretty twisted up on the cruise ship slide. What a hoot. I separated my underwater camera's battery from the camera and didn't use it, so there aren't any underwater pictures, of which I could have shoot several hundred. I did just want to snorkel and look and we probably had about 90 minutes in the water, which was probably plenty to see everything that was at the anchor site. I have snorkeled in the Cayman islands and I would say this is close to that. Clear water and lots of fish and coral, especially here at the anchor site, where they show up and feed them every day. If you want to check out their website, here it is:

http://www.snorkelingbahamas.com/

Apparently they have more than one boat/trip type and this boat followed us out and back and apparently did the same thing we did but on a smaller boat. In fact there were several boats anchored at the reef while we snorkeled with others snorkeling around the area but not in the same spot.

Es Mi Esposa, eh?

Big boat, pretty smooth, no one got sea sick but everybody had sea legs by the time we got to Freeport.

Yes, that's me. I had on water resistant biking shorts with pockets and a water proof pouch for my wallet and money and had it tied off to my belt and in the pocket while I snorkeled. It worked pretty good.

We started at Freeport Harbor and rode the bus to Port Lucaya (Count Basie Squre) and back to do the snorkel cruise.

President Obama, lead us forward, beyond our history, that just won't go away.

Our President shared his feelings about what it feels like to be in the racial minority in our country. " When Trayvon Martin was first shot I said this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is that Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago. And when you think about why in the African American community at least there's a lot of pain around what happened, I think it's important to recognize that the African American community is looking at this issue through a set of experiences and history that doesn't go away."

As a youth our President often felt profiled as a criminal because of his race. Automatic door locks went off when white people spotted him approaching. Obviously he still feels sensitive about being of a minority race. I do feel sorry for Mr. President. It must be tough being both the leader of the free world with a series of jets at your disposal to take you to play golf, the ability to remotely kill via drone anywhere in the world and yet, still a victim. A victim of what other people think.

So, you are

A    always proud of your heritage
B    often ashamed of your heritage
C    positive that your heritage is not what defines you
D    who you think you are
E    who others think you are
F    what you make of yourself
G    all and none of the above

The President knows C, D & F are, together, the best answers and for someone who achieves the Presidency, the only answers. His off the cuff speech was clearly a personal shout-out to his black brothers and sisters who are outraged that a little black boy carrying a bag of skittles could be murdered by a gun carrying, racist hater and get away with it. But this is intentionally cynical and is neither helpful nor does it illuminate.

Moving forward: while history doesn’t go away, it doesn’t have to define our, or anybody else's, future.

Charles Barkley, the round mound of rebound (not what I call you Charles, I call you Sir) said the following: "The main thing I feel bad for, [is that the trial] gives every white person and black person who are racist a platform to vent."

The President’s shout out isn’t about venting, it’s about justifying the endless venting about the unfairness of our criminal justice system. Black people are often screwed by our CJS and our prisons hold a disproportionate number of black people. The irony is the victims of most black crime are black people who are intimidated by black thugs and fear the police. Our Attorney General, Eric Holder, said it best. Paraphrasing here: I have to have a personal conversation with my kids and tell them their country isn’t yet a safe place for a young, black man. They’re going to have to watch what they say and to whom, to protect themselves. They can’t just say what they want, freely. It’s not really a country of free speech for young black men.

I think it prudent for all fathers to tell their children to respect authority. To speak when spoken to. To say “yes sir” and “no sir.” But then you have to stand up for yourself, and fight back and cow tow to no man. Complicated stuff. Having a father. Having a father to teach you respect. But then Barack Hussein had his mother to teach him. To get him up early to study. To drive a young boy beyond what he himself would volunteer to do. To give him a sense of self esteem, not based on his heritage but based on his abilities, aptitudes and performance. That over-achieving boy grew up to be a confident, empowered young man who was not defined by his race but by his achievements. He is now President.

Such a man could again transcend and attempt to empower from his bully pulpit. We know Trayvon was a victim of his race. If he had been white George would have felt he belonged in the gated community and not questioned his presence. Trayvon would be alive today. Black people feel that and are angered by it. To say you understand that anger because you are one of us and you feel our pain only feeds the anger and the victimization. It’s understandable but it’s not helpful. We seem to get a better understanding across racial divides by Bill Cosby and Charles Barkley. We need more from our President.

A modest proposal for a modest speech:

“To my black and white brothers and sisters, we are a country of great diversity. Hundreds of countries of origin. A rainbow of colors, sizes, and shapes. Tall, short, rail thin and pleasingly plump. Rich, poor and everything in between. Brilliantly smart and educationally challenged. We will have a multitude of opinions shaded by our diverse experiences. We will not agree on a great many things. Our environments and experiences will cause us a natural separation of viewpoint. Let me say that again. A natural separation of viewpoint. We don’t agree because we don’t see it the same way. We will differ and we will be challenged to find consensus. It will always be difficult. It will always be challenging. Sometimes we will simply agree to disagree. Disagreement amongst brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers and worthy representatives are normal. What is not normal is being driven to hatred over natural and normal disagreement. Because if you would hate, be prepared to be miserable. If you would resort to violence be prepared to suffer. You may prevail today but there will always be a tomorrow and one day violence will make you suffer. You will suffer. Your family will suffer. Your loved ones will suffer because of you. Hating others based on their differences or perceived differences will destroy you. Hatred eats you up inside. Shouting, belittling, arguing, low rating and intending harm means our country will grow mean and small. Polarization of opinion by polemicists drives a wedge between us. If you are glad Trayvon is dead because he attacked a white man and got what he deserved, you are both wrong and badly confused. If you think George Zimmerman purposely murdered Trayvon Martin for the sole reason of his blackness, you are wrong and are ignoring the facts. Distrust of his race led to a confrontation which led to an altercation which led to a death. Trayvon was judged by his color but he wasn't killed for his color. Mutual distrust spiraled out of control and caused the death of Trayvon Martin. What happened was a tragedy and an example of two diverse individuals distrusting each other on sight and resorting to violence.

There are people taking to the streets today because they feel they were failed by our criminal justice system. A justice system that tries to recreate the past for jury members to judge past events they neither witnessed nor will be able to fully understand. It is the best we can do. The law, which doesn’t define right or wrong but defines statutory obligations and definitions, informs jury members not of wisdom but of guidelines. They begin by not agreeing but then compromising and reaching consensus. In this case, in their considered opinion, the state failed to prove either murder or manslaughter because there was not enough evidence presented to justify those charges.

It is now time to turn the page. To mourn Trayvon Martin for his unfulfilled promise and to forgive George Zimmerman for his use of lethal force on an innocent teen. He was tried by a jury of his peers and found innocent of murder. The FBI can find no criminal racial motivation. I can’t tell you what the future holds for Mr. Zimmerman but I wish him well. I want to hate him but I realize that’s wrong. Let me lead by example here. Teach your children compassion over distrust. Teach them to listen and learn from both their friends and their perceived enemies. We will all one day be gone from this earth. Leave behind a legacy of love. Work toward understanding. Abandon distrust on sight and hatred based on diversity. Follow my lead on this. I wish you well. I want to hear your story. I want to try to understand what motivates you. And even though I am black and I identify with Trayvon Martin, I want to understand George Zimmerman. I want to forgive him and I want to move on to tomorrow, where we join hands to face the future together, as brothers and sisters. If we, as a country, can do that, something will have been gained from this tragedy. If not, we are doomed to repeat it."

Trayvon Martin & George Zimmerman saw each other as enemies and made it so.

The shooting and subsequent death of Trayvon Martin was a modern tragedy. A tragedy born of anonymity and mutual distrust. Two people who lived in a community but didn’t know each other. Their first meeting led to angry words, shoving, fighting and death. This modern tragedy was and is preventable.

Background: we get more published information on the survivor, as he was charged with murder and history is written by survivors. George Zimmerman was a man who felt unsafe and wanted to do something to help prevent crime in his community. There were break-ins and robberies in his neighborhood. With the help of the local police, a neighborhood watch association was formed and George was appointed coordinator. He chose to sit out in his car and literally wach his neighborhood to help prevent the crime which was occurring. Subsequently he witnessed youths casing apartments. He called police and before the police could arrive, they were gone. Then a break-in was reported, George identified the youth that he saw casing the apartment. But what good was neighborhood watch, if he was powerless to stop the break-ins? He wanted to prevent the crime, not witness it. The table was set. Trayvon Martin went out to buy some candy one night and take a walk and was walking back to his Dad’s fiance’s apartment when he realized he was being followed. George was going to prevent a crime which wasn't occurring. Rather than turn and address George and have a respectful conversation, he ducked back, waited for the man to approach and confronted him. Angry words were exchanged, push came to shove and a fight broke out. Most of this comes from this wiki site, which I recommend:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shooting_of_Trayvon_Martin
 
Zimmerman was interviewed after the incident. He was voice stress tested for truth. Key eye witnesses came forward to give testimony. The consensus from these sources, as well as physical evidence from the scene was: rather than have an open conversation, their human interchange devolved into angry words and a shoving match, which ended with Trayvon on top of Zimmerman, wailing away mixed martial arts style and George pulling his gun and shooting Trayvon in the heart.

The reason this is preventable is two people should be able to talk to each other and learn that neither intends harm. Without knowledge of each other, we shouldn’t have immediate distrust, without skepticism. Here distrust prevailed. Both knew (wrongly) the other was up to no good. Trayvon referred to George as “a creepy-ass cracker.” George pictured Trayvon as a criminal who was not in his own neighborhood but was planning a break-in. George was wrong. Trayvon had a reason to be there because he was returning home. George was following because of neighborhood break-ins. Rather than respect each other and act civilly toward each other and have a reasoned conversation, a fight broke out and Trayvon was killed. Guns do escalate violence rather quickly. What went from a butt kicking of George to the death of Trayvon was courtesy of a concealed firearm. It’s true no one knows if George hadn’t had the gun what would have ultimately happened to him. Maybe just a good beating. We’ll never know because the fight escalated to a killing. The point, however, is there was no need for harsh words, shoving, or violence.

Distrust, crime, racial hatred (which, by the way, is not a one way street) and lack of civility and most of all, a large, non-homogenous population which is not bound by shared religion, beliefs, or values, can devolve into violence and killing in a heart beat. Much has been made of Trayvon’s age and race. The President identified with him. Yet we haven’t had anybody step up and say, if you would have neighborhood watch, get to know those neighbors. Stop hating each other. Let's not just identify that the tragedy involved a black youth wearing a hoody. Let's identify that we had a unnecessary confrontation between two human beings that could have and should have been avoided. The President could have been the coordinator of the neighborhood watch too. Stop the violence, people. As long as the moral and social values of disparate groups of citizens are so diverse, we will have confrontations and dislike and distrust, unless or until, leaders ask citizens to reach out and try to understand different motivations and life styles. The President's reach here should be to understand both sides to prevent a tragedy. We need basic trust in human beings. It is a pillar of society. Race is an issue but dislike, distrust and immediate recourse to angry words needs to cease. Calling out race only adds to the dislike and distrust. This issue is far from over but saying George Zimmerman is a racist is really an emotional response to a much bigger problem. George Zimmerman thought Trayvon Martin was a criminal because he looked and acted like criminals George had witnessed. Arabs are profiled because they run terrorist organizations. Young black youths are profiled because, at least in George's neighborhood, they were the one's breaking into apartments. If George is on the lookout for people fitting the description of criminal activity, that makes him logical. Trayvon immediately distrusted George too. He was being followed after all. What transpired certainly was fed by that profiling but it was not the proximate cause of Trayvon's death. The proximate cause of Trayvon's death was two human beings who failed to adequately communicate with each other in a reasonable way. Two human beings who instinctively feared and distrusted each other. Violence killed Trayvon Martin. Violence escalated from failed communication. We need to better understand how to teach each other to communicate.

It is crystal clear that George Zimmerman should not have gotten out of his car. We know the police would eventually come and probably after Trayvon had gotten back to his apartment. George would then have felt frustrated but that’s better than spending time in jail, accused of murder after shooting a fellow human being. If you would watch, stay in your car. Watching and confronting are not the same thing and precipitated the event. That doesn’t take a genius to figure out and was established at trial. It was a prominent and pivotal factor, but there are reasoned solutions to prevent escalation to violence when people approach each other.

Number one, you will be harmed and create harm for others if you automatically hate and distrust those with whom you come into contact. If you speak with respect and listen with intention to understand, you will create good will and peace. It is true a majority of the time. There are damaged people who will not be able to communicate with you and who mean you harm because they know nothing but harming themselves and others. Their history has damaged them almost beyond repair. But they are in the extreme minority of human beings. Governing yourself most of the time by the threat of confrontation with damaged people makes society unworkable. Most people mean you no harm. Return the favor.

Second, if you are not a policeman, lock your gun away. A vast majority of the time a gun will be used on it’s owner or the owner's family member or a friend. It will be used for suicide. A tragic accident will occur. A child will die. The use of the gun will harm the owner in unfortunate or preventable ways. It happens almost every day. Or like the Zimmerman case, it will be used to kill an innocent boy. It is the rare minority of occasions that a gun will actually be used for it’s intended purpose. I must admit that I have known small women who live in dangerous circumstances who protected themselves with a gun. There are exceptions to every rule but this rule is clear. If you have a gun, and it is used on a human being (pistols are people shooters), that human being will be yourself, your spouse, your family or your friends and it will be a tragedy. Your circumstance will need to be extreme to justify having a weapon handy and even then it likely will do you more harm than good. The gun also provided false confidence to George Zimmerman when he decided to follow Trayvon Martin, thinking he was up to no good. Without it, he likely would have waited for police. That is a true tragedy. I’m not sure what Trayvon thought of George but he distrusted his motivations immediately. What happened to him was a horrible tragedy but a moment to stop and speak with respect to another human being would have saved his life. “Hey man, I Iive here and I’m going home. What are you up to? Why are you following me?” I realize some of it is fear but we shouldn’t automatically revert to confrontation. Throw up your deuces instead of your dukes. Can life be that simple? Why not? This confrontation was fed by immediate dislike and lack of understanding and respect from both sides. The only thing the perfect storm lacked was Trayvon’s gun. Then they could have just killed each other.

If George and Trayvon could have met and spoken and listened with mutual respect, they could, in time, have been brothers or friends. If not, they could at least have avoided violence. Mutual respect doesn't need to involve liking. Because human beings are brothers and brothers don't always get along. But brothers are family and family is blood. Mutual respect means caring. Wishing and hoping for the best for each other. It's a basic human belief that we are created equal and we need to begin to treat each other that way. But each, for their own reasons, immediately distrusted the other and their meeting was one of confrontation, violence and death. It was a self-fulfilling vision of tragedy. They saw each other as enemies and made it so.

It shouldn't be that way. It can't stay that way.

I wish only peace for Trayvon’s family. I hope George Zimmerman can heal, as well. His sorrow should be profound. This was a tragedy born of unfortunate circumstance fed by xenophobia and distrust. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools.” If this tragedy teaches anything, it teaches us he was right. Open the hand of friendship to those you don’t know. Listen to their stories. Offer compassion to heal their wounds. Make understanding their life your purpose. That's a neighborhood watch that needs to get started today.

If you would manage, listen. If you would make changes, seek consensus.

Management styles have evolved over the past few decades. I was a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force in the early 70s. The military is a dictatorship. You listen up closely and jump when commanded. There’s no need to ask how high. Just jump as high as you can all the time. At least that was the theory. I worked as a civilian in increasingly responsible positions after my discharge. Fifty years ago organizations were often either dictatorships or semi-enlightened despotisms. The boss hired and fired at will and his word was law. Working in this system as a mid level supervisor made me uneasy. When I mention semi-enlightened despots, I was being literal. Decisions were made with inadequate intel but by definition, they were law. No second guessing the boss, right?

Things changed in the 80s and 90s. I felt like some of the more positive philosophies germinated in northern California. I went to a number of seminars which pointed out adults respond better to positive reinforcement. Discipline wasn’t the right word, it was actually punishment. When you discharged an employee, it became known as workplace capital punishment. Supervision without punishment meant re-training and counseling. Sending folks over to human resources (formerly personnel) to visit the employee assistance program. There was an underlying reason why Billy didn’t show on time. Let’s get him some help.

At first I felt constrained. I had education. I had training. I had worked my way up and knew what the organization’s goals were. We were all about the customer. Putting the customer first. How could we compromise our mission by letting up on the employees?

In my 20s, it was, look, let’s do it my way, okay? When all else fails, listen up. I see the path clearly. I think logically. I work hard. Nobody works harder than me. And what the hell, I’m in charge. My way or the highway. It’s the “because I said so” mentality. A mother and her children.  I got some of this philosophy from the “boss.” That’s the way he treated me, after all. I passed it along. But I saw the boss discharge people for pretty odd reasons. I saw the organization become confused at times because what management did could be justified but now and again, things seemed more random to the rank and file. The other thing was leaders who surround themselves with sycophants want to hear echos. One head is better than two. If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it. Over time I became disenchanted with this process. Not because pin heads in California told me so. Because common sense began to creep in.

I’ve always said people don’t change, they adapt. But I must admit, over the past half century I think I’ve actually changed. It may just be society changed and I went along. Adapted. Who knows?

I now approach management in a much different way. Before I act, before the organization moves, we work toward a buzz word of the 80s and 90s. By now it may be trite but I need to use it:

The word is consensus.

Consensus and consensual are forms of the same thing. With more than one or many in agreement.

You may be the smartest (or at least think you are). You may have the power and position of authority. You may be better educated and motivated. But here’s the thing. You’re not alone. If you were, you’d be in trouble. There’d be little disagreement but you’d be isolated. There’s good reason to feel isolated if you are alone. It’s a damn shame if you are one among many and manage to be isolated. You are in trouble if you fail to use the most powerful resource you have, your brothers and sisters. Does that term bother you? I’m not related to these people. Hell, I don’t even like half of them and can’t stand a couple of them. Besides, siblings fight a lot, don’t they? You prefer “workers” or “co-workers” or “employees?” "Team members" and "associates" are popular.  You spend all day or all night (your shift) with them. More waking time than with your formal family. They are your surrogate family and by extension, your brothers and sisters.

They don’t like you? Who likes to be given orders? You didn’t, that’s why you wanted to run things. They tend to disagree? If you fail to take them into consideration, that’s a given. Will a consensus always be achieved? It’s the goal. If it isn’t, something may need to be reorganized. I personally believe consensus can be reached but all generalizations are false and I’m wrong now and again. Let’s see what might be wrong if consensus can’t be achieved.

First, let’s go over motivation. What do people want? Of course if it’s work, they want to be paid. You can’t have starving employees and expect unity or harmony. They want to be positively recognized and they want to feel that there are worker’s rules that protect them. Active management means fair work rules that are uniformly applied. I was surprised at my first supervisory job when employees sought me out to try to get management to start paying more attention to the work place. They wanted co-workers who were ignoring rules to be held to account. It was a union shop. Fairness is ephemeral but a worthy goal. Good employees want bad employees counseled, retrained and if necessary, terminated. They only want to be protected from arbitrary or discriminatory management, not aggressive or active management. It is also true that non-discriminatory union practices mean legal protection for the same individuals they want terminated, if they can’t learn. That slaps management upside the head for doing what membership wants. Irony, however is a universal fact of life. Its often why you explain to your kids that nothing’s fair. But let me cut to the chase.

What people want:

    Bread and Circuses (McDonald’s & Netflix)
    Sustenance and Shelter for themselves and their family
    A reason not to fear Illness and Injury
    Dignity and respect & feel a sense of community
    A way to achieve old age with dignity


If they are not achieving the basics while expending their creative energy at your workplace, they likely won’t agree with management very often. So consensus achievement is a manageable goal for the enlightened workplace. It should also be a goal in other situations, just be aware of what you’re dealing with.

Once working in an enlightened workplace, employee’s desire (in fact, everybody desires):

    Creative Control.

It’s what you were after when you grabbed “control” and got a position of authority. It’s what drives politicians to run for office. The slacker, who tokes up all day and achieves nothing, is still seeking creative control.

If you are granted a position of authority, you are empowered to give everybody what they want. A sense of control. You must listen. You must write it down. You must repeat it back. You must have a fairly large control group. Most people are fair and want fairness for all. Widening your input will increase that fairness.

Why? What’s in it for me?

What I learned over decades of management is this:

You can’t control the behavior of other human beings. If you don’t understand this fact, you haven’t been in management very long.

Their behavior cannot be controlled through discipline, punishment or discharge. You can move them around and hurt or help them but ultimately what they do is up to them. So you need to stop trying to control their behavior and begin to open up to the idea that those employees will be much better motivated to do the things the organization needs if they think it’s their own idea. They will control their own behavior by doing what they agree to do. Consensus means they agree. Wow.

The other thing is people listen best after they are heard. Knowledgeable and intelligent people sit around patiently listening to everyone else, biding their time until they have a chance to be heard. Everyone wants to be heard, sooner or later. Once they are heard, they can relax and begin to listen. Why not let them be heard early and often. You will find they listen to you longer and harder and with a more open mind if they are heard from first.

Again, you don’t have control over other people’s behavior. They control their behavior. What you have is the ability to be heard. And what you must, above all, speak of is what you hear. Listen first. Listen hardest. Repeat it back. Write it down. Respect it. That’s the first step to consensus. Listening. You are paving the way for a two way street. People want (desperately need) to be heard. To be respected. To have some level of control. “I know what I’m going to do.” Have you asked anybody else? Did you discuss it with those it impacts the most, personally?

New managers must take the time to let everybody they supervise be heard. To make notes. Learn everybody’s name. Make few if any changes immediately because you have a golden opportunity to give your co-workers the feeling that have contributed to any changes that are made. Some of the changes you know you are going to make, need to be made AFTER your co-workers suggest them to you. You may already know it needs to be done but wait until others can take credit for it. They will soon understand the process is inclusive. They will soon share in the responsibility for the results that are achieved.

That may seem counter-intuitive for the ambitious. Organizational climbers want to take credit for all positive change. But employees know that individuals who glory hunt are out for themselves, alone. They won’t like and won’t support me-first supervisors and will submarine results. Engender a sense of community by making decisions based on consensus. This will share the responsibility with those who produce results and make success a mutual ambition.

Does achieving consensus slow the process? Yes. Does it make your job more difficult? Yes and no. It slows the process down, at least at first. It takes time to listen. It requires some patience. It means your own creative control is constrained. But here’s the thing. You can’t control other people’s behavior anyway. You can, however control a process that will empower others to control their own behavior. Slowly, gradually, your respect for those who work for you, your quiet way of listening, will build mutual respect. In time, the organization will become more of a team. More of a unit. The decisions the unit makes will work out sometimes and other times it won’t. You will get better feedback from people who feel they are responsible for the decisions. Subsequent decisions will get better results. Workers will begin to take ownership of the decision. It was their decision. Refinements will become second nature. Nobody’s waiting for management to recognize problems that they, the front line workers, see immediately. They will want to meet and make changes to make things work smoother. They know they’ll be heard. That benefits line workers. Ultimately it improves the organization. Success is shared, as it should be. It may have taken longer to implement the process but in the long run, everyone will benefit. That includes management, of course. Doing the right thing often pays off.



If you would manage, listen. If you would make changes, seek consensus. If you achieve success, recognize the strength of your team and reward them. It was achieved  mutually.


Editor's note: Your team will include negative people who won't want your organization to succeed. You will succeed in spite of these people IF they are in the minority. No organization will ever succeed if a majority of it's workers want it to fail.

Buses and the Bahamas

Standard Jitney bus crossing in front of us.

On-board Jitney

For our 42nd wedding anniversary, Ruth and I went on a cruise. It’s been 23 years since our last cruise. We drove to Charleston harbor over the weekend and boarded the Carnival Fantasy on Monday to visit Nassau, New Providence Island and Freeport, Grand Bahama Island. We’ve been to Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel and wanted to go somewhere new.

The 10 stayed on Bay Street, the 10a went further inland

The two day stops were in Nassau and Freeport. In Freeport we rode out and back to go snorkeling with Pat and Diane’s service from the cruise terminal to Port Lucaya. Our driver outbound tried to fill the trip with snappy banter but he wasn’t ready for prime time. Our bus driver, back from Port Lucaya to the cruise terminal, however, was a pro. He wanted to fill us in on the local culture and maybe earn a tip. I am a tightwad but was so impressed I tightened up with him as I debarked. He regaled us with stories the entire 20 minute ride. While we ate supper that night back on board, I filled in our cruise mates with some of this colorful information, which follows.

The Bahamian people are proud of their independence which was achieved in July, 1973 at 12:00AM.  The Bahamian flag’s colors all have meanings. The black center stands for the strength of the people, 85% of which are black. The blue areas are for the sea and the sky and the yellow stripe is for the sun. Then it got interesting. The white stripe at the base of the flag stands for the white sand beaches. He had a flag posted above the area where he drove. I later found out that there is no white stripe on the base of the flag, except for his copy. Apparently it was just a bunting on the edge. His travelog was probably 90% accurate, which is good. Here are other, colorful excerpts.

Cable Beach

Our children all wear the uniform of their school. Each school has their own color uniform. In the Bahamas, we don’t spank the children. We beat the children. If the children don’t go to school and are caught, they are beaten five times. Once by the adult that catches them, then by the Auntie, the Uncle, the Momma and the Dad. And if the child goes to the police to complain about the beating, you know what happens then? The police beat the child.

There were enough #10s to maintain a 5 minute headway

 
The majority religion in the Bahamas is Baptist. One thing about our churches, there is a bar next to every church and a church next to every bar. You can go straight from the church to the bar and from the bar to the church. What you think the drinking age is in the Bahamas? 18? 21? There is no drinking age in the Bahamas. If you are old enough to be able to reach up over the bar you can get a drink.

Local hipster dude caught the aisle seat.

The man that owns the KFC and Burger King franchises is the richest man on the island. He has the biggest home, called Cooper’s castle. It is right on the shoreline.

We had three powerful and wicked woman visit the islands in 2004&5, Frances and Jeanne and Wilma. They damage us so bad, some things still are not rebuilt. But the government help up by giving the people plywood, shingles and nails. We don’t ever want to see such dangerous women again. You know what you do to a woman named Frances or Jeanne or Wilma, if you meet them?  [author’s note: There was so much beating going on, you had to figure maybe you beat them but no] You leave them alone. They are very powerful and should not be mess with.

His presentation was much like a quiz show, where he asked us questions and then told us the correct answer if we didn’t know. Many of the bus riders had ridden before and knew many of the answers.

Bahamas means shallow water.

Columbus discovered the Bahamas in 1492 and was met by the friendly Lucayan Indians. He turned them into slaves.

The Bahamas consist of 700 islands and 2,400 uninhabited islets and cays. They are located only 50 miles off the east coast of Florida. They extend for about 760 miles from end to end.

Once reliant on agriculture and fishing, the number one enterprise in the Bahamas is now tourism.

Carnival cruise lines own a majority of the dry docks on Grand Bahamas.

It made the ride go quicker and was all in good humor.

In Nassau, I read the best way to go to Cable Beach was to take the local bus, or jitney. A jitney is a series of privately owned buses or vans which serve the public in lieu or a formal transit system. In big cities in the United States, jitneys predated public transit. It was the entrepreneur’s solution to a public need. In New York and other large cities, jitneys competed with one another to make a living by providing transportation. It almost became chaotic and governments began to regulate public transportation. In Nassau, the jitneys are regulated but they are a blend of formal and informal. Each jitney bears a number corresponding to the route it serves. We rode the #10 which sticks to Bay Street and the coast to go from downtown to Cable Beach. The jitneys are everywhere downtown.

The horses all wear hats (grudgingly)

The fare was $1.25, one way. Downtown, an employee vets tourist riders to make sure they understand cash will be required. When I offered the money, it was turned down. We boarded the “bus” which was bigger than a van and smaller than a bus. Ridership is largely locals with a scattering of tourists. Auto traffic, in the British tradition, sticks to the left side of the road.

There's no shame in sitting in the aisle.

When I mentioned our planned jitney trip on the cruise ship I was met with “sounds dangerous.” Perhaps, but the Bahamians we encountered were universally helpful and friendly. Music was played almost everywhere and there was a laid back atmosphere. In fact, most people went out of their way to show us what I asked or if they didn’t know, find someone for me that did. It’s true that tourism is their number one industry and it’s an economic imperative to be kind to strangers but I felt it was more than that. I felt a certain ownership of the islands from their people. No one wanted to besmirch their widely held friendly reputation.  I also felt they are an open, helpful and friendly people because it’s cultural. It’s true a couple of days spent on the islands is not a definitive test and I’m also sure if we’d gone to the periphery of the city at 2:00AM with a handful of cash and snoot full of booze we might have been mugged, but to be honest I think it’s a lot more dangerous in the states in urbanized areas than in the Bahamas.

The jitney operators wait until there’s a good crowd aboard before they pull off. Rule of thumb seems to be the two seats on one side and the one seat on the other should all be full before disembarking. Once we pulled off and made the hill and turned by the Governor’s mansion we started picking up more riders. How do you pick up more riders when all the seats are full? Do they allow standees? Rather than stand people in the aisles, the side of the bus with one row has a jump seat which can be slid out and folded up to sit in what was once the aisle. This means starting at the back of the jitney, the bus fills up across the entire row with four abreast and continues forward until all the rows have four across. Getting in and out then requires cooperation from all. It worked pretty well. If an emergency happened and we had to evacuate, it would be a little ugly (there was only one side door through which everyone boarded and alighted but I’m sure the locals don’t want to run their system based on the unlikely exception, like we do here in the states. I doubt they can afford to. They run it by the normal daily need, which makes common sense but doesn’t protect everyone from everything. It’s pretty laid back.

The driver keeps his money laid on on the engine’s tunnel-home so people can make change. You can change your bills with the coins laid out on a piece of cloth. I surrendered three dollars for the two of us, effectively paying a buck and a half instead of a buck and a quarter. I figured it was an exact change system (it’s not) and wasn’t prepared for the informality of the whole thing. Paying when you get off instead of when you get on spreads the dwell out, it seems. It is quite the honor system, unless they beat you if you don’t pay. Our riders were locals who were going out to work at the hotels and restaurants supported by tourism and others making their daily rounds. Music always blared from speakers on the vehicles and most of it was local reggae or island music. There was lots of greetings as most everybody seemed to know each other but that’s true here in the states when you ride off peak.  All in all a fun day.

The ride in Freeport was on a pre-scheduled parlor coach, which was little different from  the states. We paid $5 one way. There is a transit system in Freeport but we stuck pretty much to the cruise harbor and Port Lucaya because we wanted to snorkel most of the day. It is pro-ported to be more formalized than Nassau. I’ll leave it an open question for another trip, another day, hopefully.